Recycling

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer

Penny has 5 children.
The 1st is named January.
2nd kid is February.
Her 3rd is called March.
4th is April.
What is the name of the 5th.
READ CAREFULLY.

What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets.

How did Father Time and Mother Earth get together? Only time will tell

Why should you always knock on a refrigerator door before opening it?
In case there is a salad dressing.''

Old accountants never die,they just lose their balance

What another ocean says to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller

Imagine reading a newspaper in the bus and kept on wooing, with the intention of attracting attention only to find that you are only pretending to be reading and the newspaper is also turned upside-down."

"He hacked me, he hacked me not"

Free role players usually dominate because get away every foul, it's called FREEDOM."

HeBrews--where your cup runneth over.

Whenever you want to reshuffle something that can not be reshuffled, call Saleng for help. If you doubt me...ask Jali."

Name the kind of tree you can hold in your hand? A palm tree!

HOW DO YOU FIX A PUMPIN THATS CRACKED?
WITH A PUMPKIN PATCH!!!!!!!!!

Why don't you pay for dead batteries? They are free of charge"

I had a dream I was driving a racecar last night
I was fast, asleep

You don't need to be crazy to be my friend. I'll train you.''

What did the family of Jonah think or say when he told them that he disappeared because he was swallowed by the fish and he remained in the belly of the fish for 3 days? Then after 3days when he prayed to God the fish vomited him that's why he was still alive and came home."

Why did the doctor go mad?
Because he was losing his patience.

Truth be told

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about"

Why do all eco-friendly consumers love T&A? Because they think it stands for Trees and Air Quality

WHAT KIND OF A BALL DOESNT BOUNCE?

A SNOWBALL.

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed.

Cost of living is too high

The first time I actually scored a goal was in my fourth season as a midfielder, guess what I did after the goal... I just stood there smiling. I didn't know what to do to celebrate the goal."

Q: Why are relationships like algebra?

A: Because you look at your X and wonder Y?

WHAT DID THE POLICEMAN SAY TO HIS BELLY BUTTON?

you are under arrest.

I remember racing at primary school and I was a fatty and when I was left behind I gave out the loudest cry ever. What was I thinking?"

What did the ocean say to the sand?
Nothing- it just waved.

WHAT KIND OF TEA IS HARD TO SWALLOW?????
REALITY

Why does the climate want privacy? It is changing"

A guy; Can I buy a drink?
A girl; Sorry but alcohol is bad for my feet.
A guy; Do they swell?
A Girl; No they spread

How does the ocean say hi? It waves!

Q: How do you know that two wrongs never make a right?

A: See your parents, for instance.

Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel!

The drunk man was brought to court for drinking and driving.
The judge says; ' You have been brought here for drinking."
The drunk man says;" That is great. Let's get started and enjoy the rest of the day."

Just saying it

what do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!

We all have to do our part for the environment. And there are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch"

The dentist told me I needed a crown, I was like I KNOW RIGHT???

What do you call an ant who fights crime? A vigilANTe!

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

A thought for the day refreshes your mind with uplifting thoughts. We need a daily input of new ideas, wisdom and experience (from people wiser than ourselves!) to help each day turn out well. Thinking good thoughts puts the groundwork in to take positive steps forward in our lives.

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory.

"Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results has obviously never had to reboot a computer."

Have you realized that it takes only one soccer match to light the whole stadium?"

“Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.”

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

why do we tell actors to "break a leg"
beause everyplay has a cast.

Not everyone who works hard can prosper, only those with the smartest mind.

Hope for the best.
Expect the worst.
Life is a play,
We are unrehearsed

Yusuf Maart's thunder strike sent Mpontshane to bed earlier that every other day."

Did you wonder why company bosses give you a watch when you retire?
That's a sign of time wasted instead of building yourself a legacy you build for someone.

What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.

What’s the smartest insect? A spelling bee!

Us kaizer Chiefs fans we are no longer safe, we are being followed by cars with no number plates

Why did the picture go to jail? because it was framed

The only reason I'm big is because a small body can't hold all this personality.

Have you ever wondered why the stadium is the coolest place to be?

well, it is full of fans.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.

How do you open a banana? With a mon-key.

When is medicine first mentioned in the Bible?

When God gave Moses two tablets.

What does a pig put on dry skin? Oinkment.

A pair of cows were talking in the field.One says,"Have you heard about the mad cow disease that is going around "?
"yeah,"the other cow says."Makes me glad i am a penguin,"

Have you heard about a soccer player who reached 90? He is still alive and kicking"

‘Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. “I want to take all my money with me,” he tells her. “So promise me you’ll put it in the casket.”

After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.

Her friend looks at her in horror. “Surely,” she says, “you didn’t put the money in there.”

“I did promise him I would,” the widow answers. “So I got it all together, deposited every penny in my account, and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”‘

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.

A man was busy braaing & he said to his child 'bring me buns' and the chid instead touched the father's bums

‘A woman proudly told her friend, “I’m responsible for making my husband a millionaire.” “Well what was he before he married you?” the friend asked. “A billionaire.”

sweets stuck on a baby's tooth, she was happy thinking she have another tooth.

A Mother who has a relationship with a man who has no hair on his head

Having a proper balance of online and offline activities in the classroom tops. A student who spends more time than necessary on Facebook or other social media is likely to be behind their peers in coursework and overall academic achievement.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”

Believe in yourself and all that you are, Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.

Question: Where do tough chickens come from?
Answer : Hard-boiled eggs!

A man told his child to put his eyes on the ball while playing baseball. The boy put his eyes between the baseball bat.

You always pass failure on the way to success, but always follow the right way not majority.

Why were there balloons in the bathroom?
There was a birthday potty!

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you."

Not everyone is in depression at 2 am. Some are in the kitchen searching for food.

I am good at sleeping , i can do it with my eyes closed.

What do kids play when their mom is using the phone? Bored games.

What’s an alligator in a vest called?

An investi-gator.

Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine.

Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? “Freeze. You’re under a vest.

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.

Why was the math book sad? Because it had so many problems.

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RD.COM Humor Jokes

45 Funny (and Sweet) Valentine’s Day Jokes for Kids
Leandra BeaboutLeandra Beabout
Updated: Feb. 14, 2023
What flower gives the most kisses on Valentine's Day? Tulips.
RD.COM, GETTY IMAGES
Get ready for some serious giggles. Your little loves will get a kick out of these adorable Valentine’s Day jokes—and so will you!
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A box of chocolates. A dozen roses. A candlelit dinner for two. On Valentine’s Day, romance gets all the love when it comes to Valentine’s Day ideas. But what about heartfelt smiles and laughter with family and friends? For kids, Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to spread love with sweet hugs and handmade cards. Of course, we know the cute rhymes and Valentine’s Day jokes in these cards are often written with a little help from a parent, grandparent or caregiver. If you’re searching for the very best Valentine’s Day jokes for kids, look no further!

We’ve searched the Internet and archives for Valentine’s Day puns, sweet riddles, short jokes for kids, love jokes and adorable Valentine’s jokes for the kiddos—and adults too. Even these Valentine’s Day memes may give them a laugh!

What’s red on the outside and has you on the inside?

My heart. Ba-dum-bump!
What did one Jedi say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

Yoda one for me!

An!Englishman,!an!Irishman!and!a!scotsman!walk!into!a!bar,!the!barman!asks,"!Is!this!a!joke?"

"Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money."

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

“One evening my mother made dinner after a hard day's work. She put a plate of eggs, salad and burnt toast in front of my father.”

“I immediately noticed, the burnt toast .... And, I was waiting to see if he was going to complain about it, but my father started to eat them, smiling and asked me how I spent my day at school.

My mom apologized to my dad for the burnt toast. I will never forget his response to her: "Honey, I love burnt toast!"

Later when I went to bed and my dad came over to kiss me goodnight, I asked him if he really liked the burnt toast?

He hugged me and said, "Your mother has had a difficult day and she is really tired. She went out of her way to prepare this meal for us, why blame her and hurt her.

Burnt toast never hurt anyone; but words can be very painful! "

We have to know how to appreciate what others do for us, even if it's not perfect, because it's the intention to do well that counts, and no one is perfect.”

"Sir, what is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank president. "Two words." "And, sir, what are they?" "Right decisions."

What’s better than a good friend?
A good friend with chocolate.

A truck driver hated seeing door-to-door religious zealots walking down the road

He hated how they would go from house to house, bothering people and questioning their faith. So whenever he would see some walking down the road, he would slow down, ease over, and bump them with his fender to make them fall down into the mud on the side of the road. He grew to enjoy the satisfaction of hearing the "whump" as they hit his fender and the "splash" as they fell in the mud.

One day as he was doing his deliveries, he saw an old priest standing by his broken down car on the side of the road. He immediately stopped and offered the priest a ride into town, which the priest accepted.

As they were driving, the driver saw two more zealots on the side of the road. He immediately started easing over, getting ready to knock them down. But then he thought "This is crazy, I can't do this while I have a priest in the cab! I'll be excommunicated!" So at the last minute, he pulls away to miss the zealots. But despite his driving, he still hears "whump" "splash" and sees the zealots in his rear view mirror, fallen down in the mud.

"I'm so sorry, Father, I didn't mean to do that, I wish you hadn't seen that, Father, I..."

The priest speaks up "It's okay, it's okay my son. I got them with the door."